Michalina Olszańska: The acting world has claws and teeth

PAP Life: Is "The Actress" a roman à clef?

Michalina Olszańska: This is a question that has no clear answer, because each character is based on many people I have met. In Amadeus, the main character's friend, there are five friends I played with. In fact, all these characters are very strongly archetypal, in places stereotypical. But these are stereotypes that are reflected in reality.

PAP Life: The main character of your novel is Rebecca Kier, a successful actress. She is, admittedly, older than you, has no partner or children. But readers still wonder how much you have in common with her. What of yourself did you give to Rebecca?

MO: The whole character is basically based on my own experiences. But Rebecca is not me. I like to explain it as Rebecca is a character that I was leaning towards at some point.

And probably, if I hadn't made such and such life decisions, hadn't rearranged my priorities, then in five, eight years I would be very close to Rebecca, with all her problems. In a way, the character of Rebecca is a bit of my settling of accounts with a certain version of myself that ultimately didn't exist in reality.

PAP Life: Acting gives Rebecca great satisfaction, but it also takes a lot away. Normal life, when compared to the emotions that appear on the set, seems unattractive to her. Did you have similar feelings?

MO: This profession requires a certain amount of dedication in terms of organization. There's a lot of traveling. And it has nothing to do with whether you do your job well, it's just a matter of committing yourself to this lifestyle. At some point I really got into it. I was making films in different countries, traveling from set to set, living in hotels.

Then you don't really have to deal with the mundane, everyday things, someone organizes everything for you and that's very attractive, almost intoxicating in its own way. On the other hand, I always knew I wanted to have children and that's what actually stopped me from completely choking on it and absolutely riding that wave. Because, unfortunately, we can conjure up here, but a woman has a certain time to become a mother and then you have to divide it between home and career.

Michalina Olszańska on combining motherhood with acting

PAP Life: Nina Andrycz once said that she gives birth to roles, not children. Actresses of her generation rarely decided to become mothers, but today it's quite the opposite. Most actresses, including Hollywood stars, have children, so I guess it's possible to reconcile them.

MO: Yes, but we also don't know what the backstage of it all looks like. How much these big Hollywood stars are actually able to take care of their children, and how much they are helped by a team of nannies. Lately I have often wondered whether the narrative that a woman can do anything and be whoever she wants hasn't gone too far.

Because the truth is that, unfortunately, you can't do everything at once. And if I want to be a present mom, then I will not be at work during that time. And if I go to work, then unfortunately I will not spend that time with my children. So it is so bittersweet.

I gave birth to my son in November, and in March I was able to return to the set. It was a very tempting offer, a great role, and I was promised support from the production. I admit that my heart was torn, I thought about it, but in the end I gave up. Because even with the greatest help from everyone around me and with the greatest understanding, which, in the end, is different, it is still very hard to work with a child at the breast.

Every time I imagined that little guy on the set in the trailer in early spring, it was obvious that it wasn't. This book is also a bit about everything being possible, but there has to be this awareness of the various dangers. Everything that comes with this profession.

Michalina Olszańska on intimacy on the set

PAP Life: Your character compares acting to emotional prostitution. She says that you go in front of the camera or on stage and expose your most intimate emotions for money. That's strong. But sometimes there's also physical exposure, playing naked, in intimate scenes. You know something about this, because you've been called "the most naked Polish actress."

MO: There are actors who say that they leave their roles on the set. In my opinion, it doesn't work that way. Letting a role into yourself, coming out of it is quite a complicated process and it's not like you can hang it up in the dressing room and go back to your life. However, when it comes to the erotic aspect itself, in my opinion it is the easiest to separate.

Actors and actresses deal with bodies on a daily basis. I happen to have quite a bit of experience in intimate scenes and I don't think acting in them is the biggest challenge at all. You really don't look at your partner's body in an erotic sense.

PAP Life: But in this sphere it is easy to overstep. Today, there are intimacy coordinators on sets, but before the #MeToo movement, the film set was a specific place where behaviors that were at least controversial occurred. You start "The Actress" with a sex scene on the set, and then you describe the abuses that Rebecca experienced as a young actress. Do you have such experiences?

MO: I observed them. I sat quite intensely in this world and everything I described actually happened, there's not much fantasy there. I tried to talk about it with humor, because otherwise it would be unbearable. Our professional environment has its dark sides. But I think every one has them, maybe it's just that it's less talked about.

PAP Life: How did you deal with it?

MO: You coped as best you could, but there's a reason my book is fiction, not an autobiography. That's why I wouldn't go into my experiences here. In one interview, I said that I got sick on the set in Russia and they gave me so many drugs that my liver failed. Then a headline appeared on gossip portals that Michalina Olszańska was exploited on the set in Russia because it's good for clicking. I can only say that today at work I definitely apply better health and safety rules, I'm more aware of the consequences of different situations.

PAP Life: Why did you write this book in the first place?

MO: Apart from being an actress, I am also a writer, because that is the term I prefer to use for now. Writing is my passion, a hobby that I value very much and I am also glad that it is not strictly my profession. Thanks to this, I do not have pressure, I just write for the joy of creating and I am happy to share it. For some time now, I have had the idea to describe what happens on the set. Very often these situations are such naturals. Our lives are so colorful, so crazy, at times so funny and tragic at the same time, that it was just begging to reach for it.

Michalina Olszańska on being a writer

PAP Life: "The Actress" is your fourth book. You published your first one when you were seventeen and it was a fantasy novel "Child of the Stars. Atlantis".

MO: I wrote it when I was 13. There were always a lot of books in my house, we read a lot, it was something natural. I wrote my first story when I learned to write. I wrote crooked letters then, I made a lot of spelling mistakes. I have always been an introverted person, a bit on the sidelines. Maybe writing is a form of escapism for me, a bit of a vent? In any case, I really need it in my life, especially when I'm not on set. Although I wrote "Aktorka" on the set of "Kuleja".

PAP Life: Maybe the element of agency is tempting in writing? When you write a book, you have full control over the entire process. On a film set, however, you are part of the production machine.

MO: I think that there is definitely a great sense of freedom in writing. On the other hand, acting is an opportunity to do something in a team, which is also very cool. For me, it is important, because in everyday life I am more of a loner.

PAP Life: "Aktorka" was published by the publishing house that your life partner, Tomasz Zysk, is associated with. Was he the first person to read it?

MO: He was one of the first.

PAP Life: Was he surprised by what he read?

MO: He's a very professional publisher, he's seen a lot of things. I wouldn't want to get too personal. He knew a lot of the stories I put down on paper before I did, so he knew a little bit about what the world looked like. I don't think it was that much of a shock for him.

PAP Life: How did your friends from the industry react to "Actress"?

MO: Generally, I was warmly received. I was intrigued by the reaction of people outside the industry. There were opinions that it was brutal, powerful, the darkness of the acting world... In my opinion, I am describing my world, which is sometimes cruel, dangerous, but it is like a tiger that I love and admire.

I know he has claws and teeth, but despite everything it is something that I love and I feel like a fish in water in this world. However, through this book I wanted to say that if we want to be a tiger trainer, we have to be aware that a tiger can bite your head off at any moment. That is why when entering this profession, you have to be careful.

PAP Life: You have been acting for over ten years. Have you had moments of fatigue or burnout?

MO: There were times when I felt physically and mentally exhausted, but I always took a break, a kind of detox. In my opinion, it's essential. Of course, when you're a young actor and offers come in, you're happy. But you can hurt yourself a little, like an athlete can overexert himself.

Today I am aware that I can be tired, and that various emotions can appear. I took my first long break consciously, the next ones were related to pregnancies and the birth of children. After an intensive time on the set, I return home and devote one hundred percent of my attention to my family. It is very important for me to anchor myself in real life.

PAP Life: Many actors say they would not want their children to become actresses or actors.

MO: My parents didn't want me to either. But I definitely won't discourage my children from doing so. Of course, it's obvious that acting depends a lot on luck, probably the least on talent, but if you somehow succeed and work in this profession, it's a beautiful, interesting, colorful life.

PAP Life: For many years you attended music schools, played the violin, and even performed in the philharmonic as a soloist. Why did you give up your musical career and focus on acting?

MO: Being a musician is hard, arduous work, even harder than acting. I could have gone to the Academy of Music, but I wanted to try a different field of creativity. I applied to the Academy of Theatre and quickly realized that it was bingo.

Contrary to appearances, I think acting is the most introverted profession in the world, you can hide behind a character, experience with impunity not so much specific situations, but emotions that are connected with them, which we are not even allowed to show in normal life. It is very liberating.

PAP Life: Rebecca seeks help from a psychotherapist. Do you think that actors should almost be required to attend psychotherapy?

MO: I think that psychotherapy has never hurt anyone. It's a great way to take care of yourself, even if you don't have any major problems. However, in the case of actors, especially those who play very emotional roles and work a lot, it's actually advisable. I've also used therapy myself.

To tell you the truth, I'm searching my memory for people from my closest circle who have never been to therapy and I can't find them. It's stopped being stigmatized, it's become a form of self-care and I'm all for it. Because we try to take care of our bodies, but the psyche is very often neglected, because it's invisible and doesn't hurt. And it hurts often.

PAP Life: Do you know when you will return to playing?

MO: There are plans, my baby has started eating more than just breast milk, so the moment is slowly approaching when I am no longer necessary for his survival. For now, I am appearing in guest roles, one or two days of shooting. Such a run-in is necessary. There are also some talks about a bigger role, but for now, of course, I cannot reveal anything. I miss acting, but I am also glad that I could allow myself to simply be a mother 200 percent. Because roles will come sooner or later, but that time with a child will never come back.

Interviewed by Iza Komendołowicz

Michalina Olszańska - film actress and book author. She is 33 years old. She graduated from the Theatre Academy in Warsaw. She gained fame for her role in "Córki lureu" by Agnieszka Smoczyńska, and the main role in the Czech production "I, Olga Hepnarova" - international recognition. She recently played the role of Helena Kulej in the film "Kulej. Dwie stron medalu", for which she received an Orzeł nomination. She is the daughter of Agnieszka Fatyga, a theatre actress and singer, and Wojciech Olszański, an actor and activist. She has two children: a daughter from her first marriage and a son with her current partner, book publisher Tomasz Zysk. Her fourth novel "Aktorka" has just been published.