Banksying is a dangerous new trend in relationships. It's no coincidence that the mysterious king of street art inspired it.

In the age of ghosting, curving, and criqueting —all those digital evasion strategies that have transformed the language of love into the newspeak of dating apps—an even more... sophisticated phenomenon has emerged. And certainly more painful. Banksying , as we're talking about it, is a slow, emotional withdrawal from relationships. On the surface, everything seems as usual: shared breakfasts, birthday greetings, maybe even Sunday dinners at the mother-in-law's. But something is different. Love fades away quietly.

The name? Borrowed from Banksy , the enigmatic British artist whose works appear suddenly, only to disappear, deteriorate, and fall apart. It's like a feeling that no one has the courage to end, but which has already vanished.

I don't want to say goodbye

Ending a relationship is still perceived as a bad thing. No one wants to be the one to pronounce judgment. Therefore, some people prefer to drag out the situation until the other party makes the decision to separate. This is emotional sabotage, the consequences of which can be more destructive than an open breakup.

As Maria Moragón , a psychologist specializing in relationships, explains in an interview with "EL PAÍS," Banksying is often practiced by people who are unable to talk about their emotions, fear loneliness, or simply lack the tools to constructively resolve conflicts. Sometimes the reason is a sense of convenience, sometimes a belief that "maybe things will work out after all." Most often, it's simply a lack of courage to look their partner in the eye and say, "It's over."

Relationship in terminal state

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , the end of a relationship occurs in stages: first, the pre-terminal phase, which can last up to several years, followed by the terminal phase, which can last from several months to over two years. During this time, one person emotionally "moves out" of the relationship, while the other becomes increasingly disillusioned.

"A Banksying victim often can't name what's happening. They feel something has changed, but they don't know what. Their anxiety increases, their self-esteem decreases. They're still trying to understand what they did wrong and how to fix it," explains psychologist Teresa Pousada, the study's author.

In turn, the abuser, often unconsciously, withdraws further and further, avoiding honest conversation. Sometimes they even hope that their partner will realize it and leave. In extreme cases, so-called triangulation occurs —emotional or physical involvement in a new relationship while clinging to the old one. And that's just asking for trouble.

Mourning without funeral

Psychologists compare the process of Banksying to... mourning. Many people end a relationship internally first. They go through stages— from denial to anger to acceptance —before even saying anything to their partner. This is why the breakup seems sudden, but was actually months in the making.

It doesn't help that every relationship is a system of interconnected vessels: shared apartments, mortgages, children, families, rituals. The decision to end it all can be paralyzing.

Yet, as research published by the scientific publisher Sage in 2023 shows, every breakup carries psychological consequences—from anxiety to depression. But Banksying, through its ambiguity and protracted nature, can hurt even more deeply. It leaves questions unanswered, emotions uncontained, and people wondering for a long time "what went wrong."

In a world where love is measured by "reactions to stories" and relationships end due to inactivity on Messenger, Banksying is paradoxically... very analog. It's an ending without words, without scenes, without a message. And yet, sometimes one simple sentence spoken directly can be more healing than months of painful silence.